Ahhhhhh. Do you smell that my friends? The smell of plastic masks, fun size candy bars and the crisp scent of fall in the air. Its Halloween time fools, my favorite time of year. Well its between Halloween and when the first batch of grapes for the years Pinot Grigio has matured into what I will drink 7 nights a week for the upcoming year. Right now I’m all about all hallow’s eve.

So here are some tips to Hallo-ween yourself off of your mundane routine and love it up.

Halloween Rules!

Face paint isn’t just for your face. Remember you have two sets of cheeks.

When giving out candy, give the best candy to the kid in the best costume. Keep boxes of raisins and spider rings on the side for the kids who show up wearing a sheet.

Every drink you consume on Halloween must be drunk out or a goblet that has dry ice in it.

Every opportunity to scare someone must be used. Don’t worry about a person’s age. I hid in the shower at my friend’s 87 year old grandmother’s house last year. She recovered from the scare, I’m still recovering from the sight of her eggplants grazing the top of her bony knees. It was still worth it.

More than one costume can and should be worn. Sleep in a costume so you don’t waste any part of the day in your regular clothes.

Give your old or used costumes to those who are less fortunate than you. Like your friend who shows up to the party as the devil, a cat or something equally as lame.

Most importantly remember that while “society” only lets us celebrate Halloween once a year you should wear costumes, use props and love it every day of the year. Just because New Year’s Eve is once a year doesn’t stop me from making out with a stranger and having champagne at midnight every night. Every night’s a celebration.

Trick or Loving It.

Hello Unocorky readers. Pinot Margio here with some advice on how you can really stretch a buck in these tough economic times. I must admit that I am not very financially savvy. I do buy my pinot grigio by the case but not because it saves me a few dollars but because if I didn’t I’d be at the liquor store everyday. Four times a week is enough for me.

In the past few months we’ve heard all the excuses of why the economy sucks more than a Dyson. Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, Bernie Madoff. Now I’m not quite sure who those people are, but I know I don’t like them. So I’m here to give the everyday folks some tips on how to stimulate their package.

• Take everyday household items from anywhere where they are free and easily accessible. For example. 7-Eleven has mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, relish, honey, sugar, and non-dairy creamer all out for the taking. Bring a bag and stock up. Take straws, spoons, and napkins from wherever you can get them.
• There has never been a time that bars were more important. Sometimes though it can be expensive to go out for a couple of beers. I suggest bringing your own beer. Pack a large bag with bottles of your favorite and just take one and open it on the DL. Be sure that the bar you are at serves the beer you are drinking. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run out of my store bought beer and asked the bartender for another and heard, “Sorry Miss, we don’t serve Nattie Light.”
• Now I’m all for tipping your bartender but sometimes people go a little overboard. When no one’s looking take some of the money that people have left on the bar and buy yourself a drink. You deserve it.
• You know when you order a bottle of wine at a restaurant and they have you taste it first to see if it’s “ok?” I always say that I’m not sure and have them keep pouring. Once I’ve had a full glass I say, “No thank you, it tastes a little off. Free glass of wine for Margio!
• Buy a metal detector. There not just for grandma’s and creepy guys wearing socks and sandals anymore. You can find some great stuff at the beach or in people’s couches. Last week my friend lost her diamond earrings, and I found it with my metal detector. Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers. Sucka.
• Always take all the free stuff you are entitled to while staying at a hotel. Shampoo, soap, lotion, mouthwash, towels, sheets, hangers, toilet paper, etc. And remember an unattended maid’s cart in the hallway is open season. Take all you need as well as the unopened ketchup bottle that is on that room service tray outside someone’ s door.

Those are just a few suggestions. To really save some money you have to be aware of how much you are spending on things you don’t need. I revaluated some of my purchases over the past few months:

Did I need to buy the whole DVD collection of Full House, when seasons 1-4 are clearly the best? No.

Was it necessary to buy yet another pair of assless chaps, when the ones my Grandma gave me for my 14th birthday still fit? No

Couldn’t I have just bought a loofah at CVS instead of investing in the body snake? I mean I am at a weight where I can wash myself comfortably, feet and all.

Are floor seats to the Jonas Brothers concert worth risking violating my restraining order from Kevin Jonas? Probably not.

Do I need a glass or 3 of the grigo EVERY night? Now let’s not go crazy, this is still America.

Think about what you’ve been buying loyal readers and send me your tips on ways to save some cash money.

Love it,

Pinot Margio

When you google Pinot Grigio you get 1,430,000 results. Far too few in my opinion since I believe that Pinot Grigio is finest beverage created on this great earth.

Now for those of you who don’t know Pinot Grigio aka Pinot Gris is a white wine grape responsible for making the most delicious liquid that has ever graced a glass. If you like a little more on the formal back story check out this wikipedia link

I try to go onto wikipedia and add to this page daily.

But who needs wikipedia really when I can tell you all that you need to know about the grigio?

Let’s start from the beginning.

My first experience with pinot grigio is one I’ll never forget. It was in high school. My friend who was responsible for bringing the alcohol to the field we hung out at was only able to steal one bottle of pinot girigio from her parent’s house. Apparently her parents had an extensive wine cellar and the pinot grigio she had stolen had been aging for over a decade. We didn’t know at the time that the bottle of wine we were drinking was worth over $300. We also didn’t know that this was the last time for a year we would see our friend as she was grounded for taking the wine.

Anyway we broke the top of the bottle on a rock because we didn’t have a corkscrew and poured it into our red solo cups. Some people winced and gagged, I, on the other hand, was immediately intoxicated by the aroma. It was like the first day of spring, clean laundry and Taco Bell all rolled into one. I took a sip and was hooked. So hooked in fact that I took everyone else’s cups and drank it, and I then had to call my sister to pick me up at 4 am when I woke up on a baseball field using second base as my pillow.

Ah that was truly the first day of the rest of my life. From then on there are stories that could fill novels of my time with the grig. (Pronounced Grriieeee-gggsha.) And in due time they will be told here in Uncorked, but to start I just want to let you all know what it is about the grig that I love so much.

It’s not just the flavor and aroma, it’s the way it makes me feel and the freedom that it bestows upon me. It’s also the way that it’s able to help me erase a bad day or celebrate a good one. And its how it brings a group of people together. One night a couple of years back I was at a restaurant and two girls were fighting loudly. I ordered a bottle of the grig and had it sent over to their table. As soon as the first drop hit the glass the one girl just forgot the fact that the other had slept with her dad. And I’m proud to say that I’ll be the maid of honor at that girl’s wedding and she will now be her friend’s step mom.

Ahhh, the power of the grigio.

Well loyal readers, its time for me to go. See my neighbor just ran over my other neighbor’s cat and while I don’t think Grig will help the cat grow another leg it may very well make my neighbors stop egging each other’s car.

Love it,

Pinot Margio